My time in Ukraine has now surpassed one year and I guess I should give some reflections on what that time here has meant, because it has undoubtedly changed me in some ways and reinforced me in others. Obviously I won’t be able to consciously acknowledge all of them now, or maybe even never, but there are some changes that have been obvious and don’t know if I would even need to spell them out for those of you who do know me well.

First of all let me say I don’t regret for one moment coming to Ukraine, it has its daily frustrations and there are the rare times that I just want to quit and work with other Americans, because it is easier. But those are rare times and I have never felt more than I have here that what I do can make a difference, even if I don’t get a chance to see them immediately, although if I get to see immediate changes, it helps my self-esteem (joking). Coming to this country I wasn’t sure all what it would entail, we all knew it was supposed to be a cold place, lots of farming, formerly Soviet and in Europe. The only thing I wasn’t really excited about was the idea it was still in Europe. I had been to Europe. I wanted to be sent to some exotic locale, preferably some island in the Pacific where I could hone my surfing skills. Ukraine is not very near any ocean, ok, nearly the entire continent of Europe separates me from the closest ocean (the Black Sea doesn’t count). I was also nervous about the idea of “Youth Development”. I didn’t have a lot of previous experience with kids, but I was ready to take on whatever obstacles were thrown in front of me.

Those obstacles have been thrown in front of me. A few examples of how my life has changed from this time last year: New country (I already talked about that), new language that some days I feel as if I’m almost getting and in a second moment feeling completely lost, new job that is unlike anything I have ever done, living on my own without any other roommates and the end of a two-year relationship I didn’t expect to end and the start of a new one that was just as surprising. There have been plenty more, but these are some of the more major ones or just that have come to my head at this moment.

For whatever reason, none of those obstacles have been able to break me down enough to quit and go home. Not to say that they haven’t broken me down almost completely at one point or another, but I think I can honestly say I haven’t really wanted to go home since I became a volunteer and when I did visit home I was ready to come back here. Part of the reason is I truly have work here, obligations and responsibilities I don’t want to shirk from. The other thing is I don’t know exactly what I would do if I did return, I would only have a partial service in the Peace Corps to speak for and for me personally it would the cheapen the experience as a whole for me. I didn’t sign up for Peace Corps to not expect it to be hard and quit when it did. I came in expecting things to not be easy and to be frustrated at times. It’s happened, but I have also had the good times as well. A common saying I use here is PCVs need to measure their happiness in minutes rather than days. Have I had good days, yeah, but they usually have crappy stuff happen in them too. But good minutes, yeah, plenty.

Going along with that train of thought, and focusing on some of those other obstacles. Language is something that can have good and bad days. I have found ways I can improve it on a daily level with things as simple as eating properly and having rest. As for the studying part, I can always do more, and probably should, but I do get a lot of practical practice on a daily level. So that does help. That also goes along with feeling lost occasionally, just the other day I understood all the words someone told me, yet had no idea what they said when I put them all together. Obviously I had missed some contextual meaning or it was a joke, but I just nodded and said ‘ok’ completely clueless to what was said. Other times I have what they said down no problem. But I’m frequently learning new words and need to travel more in the east so I can pick up a bit more Russian, that’s what still throws me, although Polish is surprisingly coming at a slow rate (along with long forgotten Spanish words, occasionally).

Living on my own in theory isn’t entirely new, I’ve been in college, lived on my “own” after college for a while, but during all of those times there was always a roommate, having a place entirely to myself has been a change. I always come home to a dark, quiet place since I usually get home at night and have the entire place to myself, which means I need to cook for myself and clean and all that fun stuff. Of course it has grown on me. One thing I have heard multiple times coming into PC is that people can be a bit quieter at the end because of spending so much time alone. I can see that in some ways how that is so, but I do play my music kind of loud. I hope I’m being social enough. If anything what this experience has done is make me bolder in going after things I want or need. I noticed especially when I was back in the states that I am less shy than I used to be. It is imperative to be a bit more assertive here and I did like that part of me when I was back there, sure gets stuff done a lot faster. PC also teaches you a can-do attitude, although I think I brought a lot of that with me, it has helped me refine it here.

I also know have been able to reaffirm the fact that after Peace Corps I don’t want to be a teacher. I have always respected them, but do even more now, I don’t think I have the right temperament to deal with kids and just think in a different way. Although, it has helped me start figure out more about what I want to do later. I can see myself possibly heading back to school or looking into work abroad later on. The idea of living abroad has always appealed to me and this has reinforced it, although I do love going home to the U.S.

Well, on to the part you may or may not care about after reading my post, but yeah, my relationship status has changed several times over the past year. I came to Ukraine dating a wonderful girl and had been for over two years. After a valiant struggle, it became too much for the both of us is probably the best way I can explain it. After about six months of contemplation time and reflection, I started dating someone new (surprise!). It has been about two months now and things are going well. It is a girl that I have known for a while and things developed into more than a friendship, not what either of us was planning, but have both welcomed.

So there you go, my year (plus) of Peace Corps in a nutshell. Regrets, I’ve had a few, but I’m able to say I don’t think I would have done anything differently looking back. The whole line “Hardest job you’ll ever love” rings true, but this is also real good about teaching you patience as well. Here’s to a great second year and whatever the future holds.